The people pleasers

- Are you the type of person whose worth of self is neatly tied to how others perceive you? 

- Are you constantly troubled by questions such as whether you are the perfect son or daughter or mother or sister or the perfect employee?

- Do you frequently see yourself going overboard in planning for actions/events to prevent their outcome from being discomforting to others?

- Do you prefer to always work extra to prevent a situation where people might be unhappy with you?

- Are you willing to let go of personal comforts if you get to learn that it might inconvenience others (even people unrelated to you) ?

- Are you filled in with a sense of guilt/regret if others are bothered/troubled by your actions?

If the answer to all these questions is a resounding "yes" then welcome aboard, people pleaser :). If the answer to most (and not all) is a "yes", then you still are a people pleaser although at a lower scale.Trust me, it feels good to be doing good for others but it should not always be that way. Compared to normal people, people pleasers have a greater degree of empathy. Hence their actions are largely driven with consideration for others first. It is an excellent quality to have. Certainly the world would be a much better place if every one spent the additional second evaluating what impact his/her action might have on other people. Imagine if the person driving on the wrong side of the road understood what great incovenience it is to others.

People Pleasers are, of course, not the kind that would ever drive on the wrong side of the road. That would be sacrilegious; not to mention hugely embarassing for the lofty standards of morality they have set themselves against. It is all very good to be empathetic, compassionate and considerate. Jesus, Buddha and Shri Ram would be proud of  such qualities. The problem with most people pleaser is that they comfort others at great personal inconvenience because of the high moral fiber ingrained in them through a puritanical unbringing and their notion that doing wrong to others should be met with punitive repercussions. Being unpleasant to others is unaccetable to them. As a result, they often end up being the victim as their mangnanimity is not always commensurately reciprocated with through appreciation - an important parameter for them to evaluate their self worth. They end up being unfair to their own self and it is here that they lose the plot. A lack of strong value of self prevents them from evaluating a strong life goal. Instead they become scattered all over the place.

It is critical for people pleaser to infuse a strong element of self worth. It is important for them to realize that it is okay to say "No" once in a while if it is not possible to be super human. It also helps others to value their help more than to take them as individuals who are forever willing to help. 

I know people pleasers find it hard to change. It has forever been their nature to be helping and it fills them with some degree of guilt to turn down others. In an ideal world (and I do hope we reach a stage) where everyone becomes happy thinking about  and acting towards the well being of others, people pleasers will lead the charge and others will learn from them but till that happens, people pleasers stand to offer greater help to the world by treating themselves at par with the beneficiary of their magnanimity

And for others who did not identify with being a people pleaser, take it easy - it takes a lot to be classified as one !